As you know from reading my blog this is the second surrogacy I have done and with those surrogacies I have dealt with the highs and the lows. I really try not to write about the lows but I really feel this is one that needs to be brought up.
I want to talk about those crazy hormones that we deal with. We deal with them when we give ourselves the medications to get our body ready for pregnancy, we deal with them while we are pregnant and we deal with them after we have the baby. The hormones you deal with while taking the medications and while pregnant are not fun but there is a pregnancy or upcoming pregnancy to be happy about. The hormones you deal with after having the baby are the ones I want to talk about.
When I did my first surrogacy a few days after having the baby I was a wreck, (no holding back, I'm throwing it all out there). I cried, felt gloomy, didn't want to be alone and moped around. Now let me just say those emotions are not me at all. I hardly cry, or show extreme emotion (ask my friend who calls me the ice queen), I am laid back, a generally happy person. So these extreme emotions threw me for a loop. I thought I was a terrible surrogate for feeling this way. After a day of feeling like this I called another surrogate friend who had had a surrogate baby a few weeks before me and broke down and told her "I am a terrible surrogate" and you know what she told me "That happened to me too"!And so I replied with a "What the heck, why is no one telling us that we would/could go through this". After hearing from her and another surrogate I contacted, I realized it happens quite often and IT WAS TOTALLY NORMAL!
During this crazy time for me I questioned myself; Was I sad the baby was going home with the parents-NO, was I sad I didn't have a baby-NO, what I WAS sad about was the feeling that the surrogacy was over. For months (10+) your life is consumed with the surrogacy process and being pregnant. You have people ask about your story, you have the IPs caring about you and your pregnancy, you have a new group of surrogate friends among all the other joys of being pregnant. And then bam you have the baby and it feels like all of that is over. I was lucky enough to have IPs who told me " It is not over but only the beginning for all of us". To this day I carry those words with me for both of my surrogacies.
So to all you Surrogates I want to say IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL to have your hormones be out of whack after having the baby. And just because they are, does NOT mean you wanted to have the baby. What really helped me was talking to another surrogate while I was feeling down, sometimes friends that have never been surrogates just do not understand.
Yes, these darn hormones snuck up on me again after this last surrogacy, but I had surrogate friends who were there for me and listened to me and actually got to hear me cry ;)
These whacky hormones don't last for a long time, and before you know it you will be back to your old self, I promise!
To anyone who knows me and is reading this....I am here for you if you ever need to talk. :)